For me the most challenging topic in life has always been relationships.
In the Balanced View Training I was powerfully shown how the most important relationship to clarify is the relationship to myself.
Thanks to this simple understanding and constant support from the Four Mainstays over the years, I now see how many behaviours I really did not like in myself have relaxed and opened up.
For example, before meeting the education in the nature of mind offered by Balanced View, my default setting was to consistently find someone or something to blame if things did not go my way.
I would spend a lot of time and energy trying to work out why certain things turned out the way they did, and how I could bring about a change.
I am a bit ashamed to say this, but I would often sulk if I didn’t get what I wanted!
Most of the time I didn’t have a clue how to behave in a mature and dignified way.
I’m sure I was a nice person in many ways, but I certainly felt heavily challenged with myself and how I related in life.
My main strategy usually involved so much effort trying to change myself and other people so that I could feel better.
Now when I reflect on how I used to be, it sounds absurd, but at the time that was the only strategy I had.
I could certainly see that it didn’t work, but I didn’t have another choice.
That’s the incredible revolution Balanced View brought for me, in this one simple change of allowing myself to be as I am, whatever I am experiencing, and really making it clear that I have a choice in every single situation, no matter how wronged, justified or outraged in my perceptions I might feel.
By applying this little commitment again and again throughout the day, I started to see unbelievable changes in my speech and behaviour, and amazingly, in the way that I relate to my thoughts, emotions and experiences.
Where there used to be a lot of ranting in thoughts and speech, there started to be more openness, spaciousness and a sense of fun.
Now I often chuckle at the random and intense things that can come up for me, and it has become much easier to stop connecting the dots, “I feel this way because of this, and if I do that, this will happen, and I wish that person did this and not that because then I would feel better.”
That used to be what my conclusions about things looked like, but I am not really interested in that anymore.
By being able to allow my data to be as it is more and more, I started to see I was no longer trying to change myself and everyone around me.
Being with people started being a lot more relaxed, enjoyable and rich.
I had this impression before that people were really draining, but what was draining was my incapacity to be at ease with all the data that come up about people.
Now that I can let that be as it is and not take it to mean anything about anyone in particular, I have so much space to actually enjoy people, truly listen and be available.
I have so many ideas and opinions about myself, everyone, everything, and more and more I can just let those be as they are. They are less distracting.
These ideas and opinions change all the time, and I feel so grateful and truly satisfied to no longer take them seriously.
As a result I experience deep peace within myself.
I have experimented with allowing myself to be as I am in very intense data storms where it seemed impossible to just be myself with all the fear, self-hatred, self-criticism and grief.
I took a lot of support to harmonise the relationship to myself.
One moment at a time, I have learned that there is nothing in these emotions that can actually harm me, and I borrowed the assurance of my open intelligence elders many times.
I let data be as they are, one step at a time, and while feeling all these things, I am able to also care for myself in a loving and simple way and truly feel indestructible peace.
To me that is crucial because it allows me to offer that space of peace to anyone around me who is feeling particularly afflicted and not good enough.
It’s such a gift to offer an example of not relating from self-aggression.
I can be with people without being disturbed by their data, and just focus on being of service, because I can be with myself without being disturbed by my data, and serve myself so beautifully through the Four Mainstays support.
I want to finish by sharing a sentence from one of the texts, which I often hear in my mind and has always been of support to me: “Just relax and take care of yourself as you are.”
I love this care and simplicity, and it really has changed everything for me 🙂
Thank you so much dearest Candice and everyone in the community. Gaelle