My first panic attack was obvious and overwhelming at an early age. I have a clear memory of sitting in school, running out of breath, and finally fainting again and again. The way the grown-ups around me handled it was by giving me a paper bag to breathe in so I got less oxygen. Years later I got the diagnosis of ”highly sensitive.”
So began my awareness about the breath and my focus on trying to figure out how to control it. Finding ease sometimes was my drive and goal. I was driven by fear and I tried out everything you can imagine to find release, from one extreme to another. Born in the lap of Jesus, I prayed, found different meditation programmes, and did psychotherapy for years, endlessly looking into myself.
When I met Balanced View I had strategies to avoid
situations that triggered me and I could replace one feeling with another, but it was by trying hard in a tense state. There was no natural relaxation. The teaching in Balanced View was all about relaxation and letting everything be as it is. A profound freedom entered me by only hearing this: ”Rest is Best!”
In short moments I started to relax everything without trying to fix anything, without expecting a miracle – only a way out of the underlying anguish for short moments, and by that to get longer and longer moments of freedom in all there is. I was resting until one day it was automatic. That was for me a miracle after all these years; putting energy into my moods was gone. I was still sensitive but the negative influence was gone.
Right from the first short moment of clarity, opening intelligence, came a calmness into my being never known before. And this tool was with me all the time, 24/7. The victimhood was gone and my clinging in
relationships was outshone. I didn’t need anyone to give shelter to me. I was lighter in my mindstreams and there was an all-pervasive underlying ease. My breath was not my enemy anymore – it was the link to pure feed in breathing in and out everything that was passing through me. I was not alone anymore because I could see that it was the same for everyone, it was only lightsignals from my humanness. Together with most of my family I am committed to the Four Mainstays of Balanced View. There I found a safety net beyond compare. In my own direct
experience I knew this could be trusted.
The help from a short moment, whenever I remember; a personal trainer; teachings telling me ”I am perfect as I am”; and training media and a living Root trainer, who is leading me to outshine all descriptions into ”perfect as I am” together with a worldwide community, is the
end of suffering. What one can not do alone we can do together! I am grateful beyond words for this new life. Never more a separate entity, only human with all that comes with that; nothing stays forever. I hope all beings will come to know Great Freedom as themselves.
I’d like to share a story of a data (thought) – as far as I look back, I can recall a belief system that came up – its title can be summarized as “I’m not good enough” – not knowing how to rest naturally with this innocent data, in many ways it ruled my life, bringing endless mental entanglements that lasted for days and ensuing actions in the world.
Thinking it would help, for years I tried to be a good person and contribute all around – yet to no avail – it was still there.
I can recall vividly the day I was at the Balanced View center in the south of Sweden, I was walking down a flight of stairs – then it came up again, and as our precious Root Teacher Candice O’Denver has guided us, it was left as it is – and for the first time in my life it faded naturally leaving no trace – I was amazed – A dream come true, the most sweetest present I could think of then.
I wish to thank Candice O’Denver the founder of Balanced View, the trainers and the community for the endless support in resting naturally.
Last year I had quit my job and took a sabbatical to be close to the Balanced View teaching and the network of support it offers (the Four Mainstays) and this was such an amazing year!
In just 1 year I joined 3 gatherings in Sweden, 2 gatherings in San Rafael, I
traveled around Sweden and Norway and visited amazing communities and dear friends (some old friends, some I met on the way), I supported my local community in Israel (we had about 20 face to face meetings during 6 months period!), and I spent most amazing time with community in the US and Canada.
During this year so much had opened up for me, mostly I don’t feel so restricted by the ideas I had about myself. I don’t feel so restricted by the fears of what people will think of me or what will happen in the future. I feel that I have stable caring support system so I can break through all these limiting ideas, and live my life as I really want, finding my passions along the way and trusting my abilities to be responsive and responsible, and that I don’t need to do or not do something just because I am afraid of what will happen. This is such a profound shift for me and I am so grateful for this opportunity to be so close to the Mainstays.
I am also so grateful to all the amazing friends whom I have met through Balanced View. I have friends all over the world, amazing people who I would have never met in any other way. And it is so clear that people are so talented, so caring, so loving, so amazing. It is so clear that we all share this underlying basis of empowerment and deep care for the benefit of all. And I know, that when this is the common ground which brings us together, then meeting people and being together is simply a joy.
I am so grateful to Candice O’Denver for structuring this training in such a
caring way and offering so generously the Four Mainstays support structure, which is always available for everyone-everywhere-anytime. I am happy that for the first time in my life I get to choose a lifestyle, and I choose a lifestyle of mutual support and empowerment, of being of benefit to all, and of sharing our talents and taking good care of each other.
It is so beautiful to take part in a real grassroot empowering social movement which has the power to support everyone-everywhere-anytime, where people are given their birthrights freely and are empowered to be of benefit to all. I see that from the empowerment of individuals who are standing up to meet their true potential, then can come the empowerment of a sane human society that stands up
to meet its potential to take good care of all beings and the planet.