My first panic attack was obvious and overwhelming at an early age. I have a clear memory of sitting in school, running out of breath, and finally fainting again and again. The way the grown-ups around me handled it was by giving me a paper bag to breathe in so I got less oxygen. Years later I got the diagnosis of ”highly sensitive.”
So began my awareness about the breath and my focus on trying to figure out how to control it. Finding ease sometimes was my drive and goal. I was driven by fear and I tried out everything you can imagine to find release, from one extreme to another. Born in the lap of Jesus, I prayed, found different meditation programmes, and did psychotherapy for years, endlessly looking into myself.
When I met Balanced View I had strategies to avoid
situations that triggered me and I could replace one feeling with another, but it was by trying hard in a tense state. There was no natural relaxation. The teaching in Balanced View was all about relaxation and letting everything be as it is. A profound freedom entered me by only hearing this: ”Rest is Best!”
In short moments I started to relax everything without trying to fix anything, without expecting a miracle – only a way out of the underlying anguish for short moments, and by that to get longer and longer moments of freedom in all there is. I was resting until one day it was automatic. That was for me a miracle after all these years; putting energy into my moods was gone. I was still sensitive but the negative influence was gone.
Right from the first short moment of clarity, opening intelligence, came a calmness into my being never known before. And this tool was with me all the time, 24/7. The victimhood was gone and my clinging in
relationships was outshone. I didn’t need anyone to give shelter to me. I was lighter in my mindstreams and there was an all-pervasive underlying ease. My breath was not my enemy anymore – it was the link to pure feed in breathing in and out everything that was passing through me. I was not alone anymore because I could see that it was the same for everyone, it was only lightsignals from my humanness. Together with most of my family I am committed to the Four Mainstays of Balanced View. There I found a safety net beyond compare. In my own direct
experience I knew this could be trusted.
The help from a short moment, whenever I remember; a personal trainer; teachings telling me ”I am perfect as I am”; and training media and a living Root trainer, who is leading me to outshine all descriptions into ”perfect as I am” together with a worldwide community, is the
end of suffering. What one can not do alone we can do together! I am grateful beyond words for this new life. Never more a separate entity, only human with all that comes with that; nothing stays forever. I hope all beings will come to know Great Freedom as themselves.