No Longer Afraid of Myself

Before finding the Balanced View Training, for as long as I could remember, I had been afraid of everything. Every situation, whether extreme or mundane, used to bring up so much fear and anxiety for me. I became very good at ignoring it whenever possible, very skilled at pretending that I was confident, but inside I never felt secure or safe. It was such a painful way to interact with myself, with people and with life in general, and self-doubt was permanent.

 

Now I have been in the training for five years and I have received undeniable and incredible results. One of them is that I am no longer afraid of myself.

 

One day I was reflecting on this and I realised that the power of allowing this crippling anxiety and fear with millions of short moments had fully transmuted that fear into indestructible confidence that, for sure, I will know how to respond to most situations and that I no longer need to be afraid of myself.

 

It was not like an affirmation, it was an unshakeable knowing coming from seeing again and again in my experience how my response to all situations had shifted from fear to settled confidence. I started to see the spontaneous opening of skilful means I had no idea I had. I feel that relying on my trainer is what helped me most in this, being lovingly and clearly empowered to experiment with short moments of open intelligence at every opportunity with an attitude of openness, respect and nurturing self-care.

 

It happened so naturally that I did not notice the process, all I know is that I kept showing up openly and humbly took the short moments, with so much fear at first, and then bravely allowing the confidence in short moments to expand and showing me that it is safe to feel complete paralysing fear and anxiety. It did not destroy me like I thought it would. In that I found such stability and power and no longer need to avoid this side of myself, to the point that I don’t really notice when it comes up anymore. It is no longer a distraction or a threat, it is no longer the primary perception in all my interactions. It’s such a huge relief and a very relaxing way to be, and I am deeply grateful for that every day. 🙂 Gaelle

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