I would like to share about how my friendships have been empowered since I started to rely on the support of Balanced View‘s support network, the Four Mainstays of open intelligence.
There used to be quite a lot of confusion for me, surrounding friendship. I was always looking for closeness and reliability in my friends, but I often felt something was lacking, something was uncomfortable or that I wasn’t completely able to be myself. Today, so much has changed here. Just the other day, when a friend was feeling sad, I said to her in complete assurance that I will always, always be her friend and that she can count on me for life. To know that I will always be able to be there for her is amazing for me, and I see that it is possible because I am no longer ruled by my negative data streams. In the past, if I felt unworthy or angry, I would sometimes end friendships but today I have a stability and reliability that is so beyond my positive or negative data streams. This I feel allows for true friendship, friendship that is not dependent on having similar opinions or experiences.
When I feel that something is lacking or uncomfortable in friendships today, I just relax and recognise that that unease is equally pervaded by ever-comfortable, relaxed open intelligence and that nothing, not me or anything else, has to change. I can be naturally loving and present just as I am, comfortable or uncomfortable, and before I know it the unease has changed into something else. I no longer feel that I have to be confirmed or recognised by my friends as a particular personal identity and because of that, I am so much more available to be spontaneous and available to enjoy and support my friends.
Today I know that my true well-being is not to be found in any outer circumstance, not even in loving relationships, and it is a huge relief to not have to put this expectation on any of my friends. I enjoy them and the relationships so much more now that I’m not looking for them to provide me with the sense of being loved, or seen for “who I am”, whatever that means 🙂 I often feel very relaxed and easy-going when I am with my friends—instead of playing out jealousy, unworthiness or disappointment like I used to. My friends, new and old, tell me that they feel very relaxed and open when they’re with me and I know this is because of the openness and relaxation I feel within myself, which is awakened by open intelligence.